What I have given up to do triathlons

What I have given up to do triathlons:

1.   Early retirement – I am on the Freedom 85 plan now.  You would think that once you own your bike and a wet suit you are good to go.  Not quite.  My friend Elaine figured out what it cost her to train for Ironman Lake Placid in 2011.  Now Elaine drove to Lake Placid so there was no airfare and she stayed at a campsite so her accommodations were not as expensive as a hotel but it still equated to nearly $9,000.00.  This includes the additional classes (spin, swimming), increased visits for chiropractor, massage, coaching fees, ironman registration, apparel – running shoes, bike shoes, helmet, etc.  It is not an inexpensive sport.

2.   Stilettos – now this really hurts.  Being a statuesque 5’3”, I really rely on my heels.  I really love those babies but because I put on alot of muscle training for ironman, from behind in anything over a 2” heel I look like a cross dresser or transvestite.  I followed someone in the underground last year with a short skirt and very defined calves and thought to myself that they must work out alot.  When he turned around, I saw the adam’s apple.  It is not just my imagination either.  When I was in Florida this year, I put on a pair of 5” stilettos to prove my point and Patty and Karen nearly wet themselves laughing.  Patty even took pictures. 

3.   Tall boots – see no. 2.  My calves get so big that I can’t zip my boots up anymore.

4.   Cap sleeves – Once again, not just my legs bulk up training for ironman.  I get what my friend Michelle calls “Popeye Arms” and I can’t get my arms through any blouses that have cap sleeves or any shirt from Suzy Shears.  There is that ominous ripping sound and I know it is no sleeves until after ironman.

5.   Snowboarding – Having duck’s disease (my ass is too close to the ground), I have a low centre of gravity and am quite a good snowboarder much to the amazement of my son Ethan.  Last year, I did not heed Coach Paul’s advice and I went snowboarding.  Well I hit a patch of ice and dropped right onto to my ass.  Despite ample padding I nearly broke my tailbone and was off training for over a month.  I could barely walk for 2 weeks.  Coach Paul said definitely no snowboarding this year.  He said after May 19^th, 2012 (Ironman Texas), I can snowboard as much as I want. In that respect, I am not too bothered by the mild winter this year.

6.    Lifting – It is funny when people know you are an ironman because then they assume you just walk around lifting cars for the hell of it.  Personally, I don’t.  I have had a weak back for about 30 years.  In addition to duck’s disease, I have small dog syndrome.  In my mind, I am 6’3” and can carry my own body weight.  In reality I lift stuff way too heavy for me and I pay the price.  For 22 years I have hauled boxes of documents around at my office and for the last 13 years I have carried my son.  Not lifting my son Tavis for me is like not having my morning coffee.  I have trouble functioning without it.  I have carried that little guy around since birth and to not be able to lift him now breaks my heart.  But I do compensate.  I lie on the floor with him and watch movies, I dance with him in his wheelchair, and I crawl into bed with him at night to talk and listen to his books on tape.

7.   Vacuuming – yahoo.  See no. 6.

8.   Gardening – See no. 6

Next blog read about what I have gained by doing triathlons.

Lisa